Stay or go

I’m too scared to go and everyone around me is moving

I’ve watered my flowers but now they’re not blooming

Visions of myself staying and leaving

Living in the unknown or living here not breathing

I can’t do it alone

I’m so far from home

So removed from myself I can’t see clearly

Uncertainty is moving closer and it’s moving fiercely

I just want to laugh

I just want to love

I just want to live simply

I just want to hug

I want to breathe again and to feel that clarity

Inhale sunshine rainbows and all the things I want to see

These dark thoughts aren’t me

But they come so closely

They’re messing with my identity

I know I want to give love and feel it in return

That’s the clearest notion I ever did learn

My love for animals and my love for life

My urge to succeed and need to survive

The love for my boyfriend and my family so great

I need to get back to a place where it’s safe

Home

I told you I was going home

but I don’t know where that is

as when you left me on that day

home did no longer exist

happy in my skin

your best life is preferential
in order to reach my full potential
i need to look within

it isn’t about my exterior
desperate to match the criteria
i feel i need to fit in

we are all beautiful
its time to be truthful
learn to love my skin

sand in my toes
a vacation picture for my next post
where I can make myself look thin

pull in my waist
contour my face
paint on a grin

a beautiful getaway
where I didn’t manage to getaway
from the loneliness within

my friends and family will see a smile
a cocktail on the beach, all the while
under the stars, to the sadness I give in

not to be captured on a photo
as it’s too dark to show
the emotional whirlwind

so for the while
you’ll see my smile
until I am able to admit

in order to really live my best life
i need to be happy in my own skin

Til’ we meet again

One leaves this world without the other 

Oh how cruel life can be

Because by my side I wanted you

For the rest of eternity

Life went so fast

The pace of a racing car

That flew down the highway

Taking you so far

The love radiating around me

No longer I can feel

The presence of you beside me

That is now not so real

I will love you forever

But now no way to show

The need to feel your touch once more

Will only make my love grow

One day we will meet

With the clouds under our feet

I’ll touch your outstretched hand

And strong again our love will stand

Those nights I spent alone all now worth while

For so long I have yearned to see that smile

To Heaven on Thistlecrack

The clock reached 9am and it was time to go, 

where that is, I do not know, 

an ice cream on the beach with a chocolate flake, 

as the tide rolls in

a beautiful painting this would make, 

maybe a garden with a towering oak, 

beside that a still pond – a frog will croak, 

a sunflower field – being surrounded by yellow, 

a roaring bonfire – to toast a marshmallow, 

a setting of beauty – the fall of autumnal leaves, 

a vision of wonderland – to how I perceive, 

the taste of a crunchy apple or a sugar sweet pear, 

wherever it is I may go, 

Thistlecrack take me there. 

Ice Men

A weeping voice trembling through words, 

A symphony we can only sing, alone with the birds,

Tongue tied with terror, triumph a lifetime away, 

A mask to be worn for the day,

A shield protecting our organs from the bitter chill

An icicle slicing through skin is the worst thing to feel

Frozen tears, burning cheeks 

Icicles forming, there for weeks 

Not melting as we are made tough 

As men we will remain rugged and rough 

Oh what a life

A stone cold persona to represent our strife 

Walking barefoot through the grass with thorns in our feet 

Although in pain, we shall never speak 

Stay silent and strong 

To this group we must belong 

Let the pain resonate within our veins

As men we will remain the same

We must never tell all

As vulnerability will make us fall

The sun will shine but we shall not melt 

For our armour is our safety belt  

The Life of Riley

The name Ronald didn’t stick,

I wanted to be left to take my pick,

John was an option, but thinking of myself highly,

I preferred the name Riley,

I envisioned the way my life would be,

I wrote my own autobiography, 

Conveniently named The Life of Riley,

A business man with a big heart, 

But that stayed hidden under my cashmere scarf, 

A life of betting and playing cards, 

That me, Riley, would never find hard, 

I was a teacher in many ways, 

How to live life in a practical way, 

A bottle of wine, playing trumps until the sun sets slightly,

Ace is high, isn’t it Riley? 

This is what life is about, 

I will be rich without a doubt, 

I just need a win on those premium bonds, 

Then all my problems will be gone, 

One marriage and a straying eye later, 

Will only make my love greater, 

50 years pass and here I hold my autobiography,

Conveniently named The Life Of Riley, 

I realised that Riley didn’t really fit,

I was there in name but not in spirit, 

I changed the name to The Life of John, 

All my memories of Riley had gone, 

The only Riley I had left in me, 

Was that I married Darling Peggy.

To my beautiful Grandad.

The snow fell vigorously that day,
I thought it would take the pain away,
Although the streets white, the skies stay grey,
I love you now, I will love you always

You never think this day will come,
That kind of day that leaves you numb,
Sitting in your arm chair with a glass of rum,
Could only be your idea of fun,
The sun shone brightly that day,
It sort of took the pain away,
The floor glistening and lights array,
I love you now, I will love you always

I need those three words now more than ever,
You are here no matter the weather,
The snow lay as white as a feather,
That beautiful sunshine is all you endeavour,
Sitting by that window feeling oh so clever,
Whilst you bet on that horse that will run on forever,
The rain fell harshly that day,
It came and washed the pain away,
The pitter patter of that rain as it spray,
I love you now, I will love you always.

❤