Mountain

Stuck between its too late and it’s only just started

In the middle I will sit until

I am rescued

Eyes closed dipping my feet in both ponds

The best years are to come but all the best years have gone

Summer sunshine met with holy matrimony

Vows to myself to remain youthful

Whilst my skin glows but my bones ache

Wondering if wisdom has made me feel older

I’ve felt so much in so little time

So I will sit with my toes in freezing water until

I can’t feel

To climb the mountain barefoot and

Take me back to where it all began

Waves

The waves washed me away

Fickle and fragile I fled with hope

Of not drowning with these thoughts of

What I must do and should have said

The apprehension of time passing

How the waves carry it away so fleetingly

Before you know it you are 30

Innocence now swallowed by the animals

The same animals who set me free

In dreams of becoming Cesar Milan

Where my whispers reached a thousand ears

I spoke softly but never enough

Words clouded, forcing rain down fast

Making tides stronger

Taking me away

Maybe…

I wonder what I could’ve been

A version of myself that remains to be seen

I really hope she will come out soon

I’m leaving her enough room

Maybe the world isn’t ready

It’s now forced me to take it steady

I can’t shine forever if I use all my light

I need to save some in order to stay bright

Maybe I’ll preserve it and carry it on with me

The brightest star you’ll ever see

Maybe in another lifetime I do exist

Fulfil all of the things my mind made me miss

Those nights that you wish would never end

Listening to music with your favourite friend

Maybe one day I’ll become one of those nights

A star in the sky that will always shine bright

Look down on myself laughing with friends

This time I’ll make sure the night never ends

homemade prisons

I don’t want to die because I feel like I haven’t lived yet 

But I’ve spent everyday living, afraid of dying 

How ironic that the prisons we find ourselves in 

Are the ones we build ourselves 

Stay or go

I’m too scared to go and everyone around me is moving

I’ve watered my flowers but now they’re not blooming

Visions of myself staying and leaving

Living in the unknown or living here not breathing

I can’t do it alone

I’m so far from home

So removed from myself I can’t see clearly

Uncertainty is moving closer and it’s moving fiercely

I just want to laugh

I just want to love

I just want to live simply

I just want to hug

I want to breathe again and to feel that clarity

Inhale sunshine rainbows and all the things I want to see

These dark thoughts aren’t me

But they come so closely

They’re messing with my identity

I know I want to give love and feel it in return

That’s the clearest notion I ever did learn

My love for animals and my love for life

My urge to succeed and need to survive

The love for my boyfriend and my family so great

I need to get back to a place where it’s safe

Home

I told you I was going home

but I don’t know where that is

as when you left me on that day

home did no longer exist

happy in my skin

your best life is preferential
in order to reach my full potential
i need to look within

it isn’t about my exterior
desperate to match the criteria
i feel i need to fit in

we are all beautiful
its time to be truthful
learn to love my skin

sand in my toes
a vacation picture for my next post
where I can make myself look thin

pull in my waist
contour my face
paint on a grin

a beautiful getaway
where I didn’t manage to getaway
from the loneliness within

my friends and family will see a smile
a cocktail on the beach, all the while
under the stars, to the sadness I give in

not to be captured on a photo
as it’s too dark to show
the emotional whirlwind

so for the while
you’ll see my smile
until I am able to admit

in order to really live my best life
i need to be happy in my own skin

Til’ we meet again

One leaves this world without the other 

Oh how cruel life can be

Because by my side I wanted you

For the rest of eternity

Life went so fast

The pace of a racing car

That flew down the highway

Taking you so far

The love radiating around me

No longer I can feel

The presence of you beside me

That is now not so real

I will love you forever

But now no way to show

The need to feel your touch once more

Will only make my love grow

One day we will meet

With the clouds under our feet

I’ll touch your outstretched hand

And strong again our love will stand

Those nights I spent alone all now worth while

For so long I have yearned to see that smile

To Heaven on Thistlecrack

The clock reached 9am and it was time to go, 

where that is, I do not know, 

an ice cream on the beach with a chocolate flake, 

as the tide rolls in

a beautiful painting this would make, 

maybe a garden with a towering oak, 

beside that a still pond – a frog will croak, 

a sunflower field – being surrounded by yellow, 

a roaring bonfire – to toast a marshmallow, 

a setting of beauty – the fall of autumnal leaves, 

a vision of wonderland – to how I perceive, 

the taste of a crunchy apple or a sugar sweet pear, 

wherever it is I may go, 

Thistlecrack take me there. 

Ice Men

A weeping voice trembling through words, 

A symphony we can only sing, alone with the birds,

Tongue tied with terror, triumph a lifetime away, 

A mask to be worn for the day,

A shield protecting our organs from the bitter chill

An icicle slicing through skin is the worst thing to feel

Frozen tears, burning cheeks 

Icicles forming, there for weeks 

Not melting as we are made tough 

As men we will remain rugged and rough 

Oh what a life

A stone cold persona to represent our strife 

Walking barefoot through the grass with thorns in our feet 

Although in pain, we shall never speak 

Stay silent and strong 

To this group we must belong 

Let the pain resonate within our veins

As men we will remain the same

We must never tell all

As vulnerability will make us fall

The sun will shine but we shall not melt 

For our armour is our safety belt