Stay or go

I’m too scared to go and everyone around me is moving

I’ve watered my flowers but now they’re not blooming

Visions of myself staying and leaving

Living in the unknown or living here not breathing

I can’t do it alone

I’m so far from home

So removed from myself I can’t see clearly

Uncertainty is moving closer and it’s moving fiercely

I just want to laugh

I just want to love

I just want to live simply

I just want to hug

I want to breathe again and to feel that clarity

Inhale sunshine rainbows and all the things I want to see

These dark thoughts aren’t me

But they come so closely

They’re messing with my identity

I know I want to give love and feel it in return

That’s the clearest notion I ever did learn

My love for animals and my love for life

My urge to succeed and need to survive

The love for my boyfriend and my family so great

I need to get back to a place where it’s safe

World hunger

Do we not feed the world enough 
For it to want to eat me whole 
I know it’s hungry 
I can feeling it rumbling
Thunder skies moving across
Land where we stand 
Waiting for confirmation of what we are 
I know it’s hungry 
It’s ready for me 
Mouth wide open 
Ready to swallow me whole 
Amongst the cracks I fall 
Into the abyss of within 
Where conformation of who we are lies
Dust amongst a cloud 
Of moving smoke 
Blinding us
Eyes closed, I can finally see
The world is ready for me

Ice Men

A weeping voice trembling through words, 

A symphony we can only sing, alone with the birds,

Tongue tied with terror, triumph a lifetime away, 

A mask to be worn for the day,

A shield protecting our organs from the bitter chill

An icicle slicing through skin is the worst thing to feel

Frozen tears, burning cheeks 

Icicles forming, there for weeks 

Not melting as we are made tough 

As men we will remain rugged and rough 

Oh what a life

A stone cold persona to represent our strife 

Walking barefoot through the grass with thorns in our feet 

Although in pain, we shall never speak 

Stay silent and strong 

To this group we must belong 

Let the pain resonate within our veins

As men we will remain the same

We must never tell all

As vulnerability will make us fall

The sun will shine but we shall not melt 

For our armour is our safety belt  

At One With Nature

They say I’m grounded but what they can’t see,
Are the plants that have wrapped themselves around me,
Amongst the soil my feet lay bare,
Whilst of my body, nature takes care,
The lilies wrap around my lungs,
Take a deep breath in and here it comes,
The honeysuckle wraps around my heart,
Securing any holes that have been torn apart,
The sage wraps around my spine,
A refreshing touch, with my nerves they intertwine,
With all these components I am surrounded,
That is the key to staying grounded,
The rhubarb grows between my rib cage,
A little bit of sharpness to compliment the sage,
A recipe book created by yours truly,
Inspired by the components of my body,
The iris grows behind my eye,
Deep violet petals disperse when I cry,
The hollyhocks hold my hands,
The ferns feel my feet,
Without these keeping me grounded, I’d be incomplete,
With all these components I am surrounded,
These are the things that keep me grounded,
The secret to becoming your own creator,
Is to be at one with nature.

Women will always be afraid of the dark

For everyone reading, first of all thank you for taking time out of your day to look at my work. Most of my poems have quite important messages attached – whether they be implicit through metaphors, or explicitly addressed. My next poem was written at 2:45am last night in approximately 10 minutes – it doesn’t take long to create a masterpiece if your mind flows – especially at night! It shares a very important message on behalf of us women living our lives in fear, speaking for myself, I try not to live like that. However, with my current profession it is proving difficult. I feel honestly and truly blessed to have the job I do, walking beautiful dogs and spending my days outside, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to feel guilty for also feeling scared. As a young women walking alone, I’ve had to run through so many safety features with family and friends, from carrying an alarm to putting keys between my knuckles. I got talking to a male friend today in the park who didn’t seem threatened by anyone or anything – I couldn’t help but think aren’t you so lucky. I don’t want to be a target, I want to enjoy my time walking with dogs and not constantly looking behind me. I hope you enjoy. 

I was a little girl afraid of the dark, 

Mum was always there to make a remark,

Always the same “you’ll grow out of it one day”

But oh how hard that would be,

As women will always be a afraid of the dark,

Is that so hard to see?

 

I always slept with a night light inside,

But my biggest fears were outdoors,

Under that powerful glare of the moonlight,

How naïve of me to fear the inside of these four walls,

But now at my age I am well aware,

If only I could take these four walls with me everywhere,

 

When I was sixteen I was afraid of the dark,

But my friends were always there to make a remark,

Always the same “don’t be silly – just walk on the main road”

But oh how hard that would be,

Because the men driving on those main roads – are still whistling and calling at me.

 

Always stay in a group and never split up,

The pressure to keep safe is becoming too much,

I want to go out and have fun without the worry,

I want to walk around in the dark and not have to hurry.

 

I am 20 and still afraid of the dark,

Strangers on social media always making a remark,

Always the same “women should not walk around alone”

But oh hard that would be,

As situations can happen – where alone a woman will be,

So please strangers shine us that bright light we need,

So as women we can continue to succeed,

Please strangers help us leave this mark,

So us women are no longer afraid of the dark.

 

Love yourself and others, always.

Let me start off by saying, none of us have it figured out. We have been put this Earth for reasons unknown to us, but what we do know is that we live amongst each other and we are all that we have. With this little, but crucial, piece of knowledge – it is only right that we spread kindness and look after one another. We become unwell physically and we go to the hospital and they assess us and we get the right treatment. We become unwell mentally and we go the hospital and they assess us and tell us to relax and come back when we have a diagnosis. What they do not tell us is, it is okay to not have it figured out. How the f**k can I explain to you what’s going on in my head if I have no idea myself, all I know is I don’t feel right. So, let me figure it out myself. Let me take a breather and figure out how to mend my mind. Let me quit my job of 2 years and start from fresh. Let me try and be outside in nature, I can’t truly recognise beauty until I am surrounded by it. Let me take a bath, but wash my hair as well and drown it in conditioner and brush it gently. Let me drop anyone who doesn’t make time for me, that being friends – or family. Lets spread kindness, even when the world feels mean, because it’ll make you feel good. Mental Health is complex, it is not a broken wrist or bone, it is layers and layers of emotions all wrapped around each other and jumbled up which don’t make sense. Please don’t spend ages trying to figure out what your label is, we don’t have labels, we were born with a name and a choice to make whatever identity we wanted, our Mental Health is connected to that, but we cannot be branded and defined by it. Do what is right by you, do your best, do something you’ve always wanted too. If you don’t want to do that, then that is fine. Lets embrace our Mental Health, please do not be embarrassed or ashamed. Your mind can work against you, you will create this identity and life and sometimes your mind will rip that down, it won’t let you see friends, go on holiday, eat certain foods, go certain places – so let’s not put pressure on ourselves to keep a persona. Let go of the past. Go with the changes happening around you. Always remember that if you can’t do any of this, then that is still ok. Choose what suits you and your mind. Be kind to yourself. Love yourself and others. Always. 

I used my favourite soap today, 

I had been saving it for a rainy day,

Life had become a little mundane,

And I needed something to keep me sane, 

Vanilla enriched with honey should seal the deal,

Just to make me smell as good as I feel,

 

I didn’t go into work today, 

When they asked me why I didn’t know what to say,

I just told them I had been sick,

So now I’ve got 8 hours free to take my pick, 

I think I’ll sit outside all day,

So that my emotions I do not need to convey,

 

I went for a coffee with a friend today,

I couldn’t wait to get away,

I told her everything – and didn’t downplay,

She said everything would be ok, 

A milky latte and a piece of cake,

Will take away this heart ache, 

 

I didn’t want to drive into work today,

Something in me said it wasn’t okay, 

But I drove into work today,

I ignored the feelings and went anyway,

I ended up having the best day today,

All because my friend decided not to stray,

I drove into work today,

All because my friend told me it would be ok.

The Owl and The Oak Tree

Hi everyone. As you all know I love writing, and I have created a childrens book which I have been sat on for ages and have no idea what to do with it. I know it is not poetry, but I would appreciate it if you could all read it and maybe message me what you think – thank you so much!

 

The Owl and The Oak Tree. 

Night swept over the land where Mr Owl lived. It was like any other night but something felt different. Mr Owl was thinking back to when Little Owl flew out of the nest. He also thought about Mrs Owl not returning with the food one night. Mr Owl was growing old and lonely.

Mr Owl was disturbed by a “scuffle”. He turned his head all the way around and noticed a Mole’s home in the ground being dug up by a night Fox. He swooped down to rescue the Mole. He shouted “Mole hold onto my feathers, and I will take you up to my safe branch”. Mole scurried onto Mr Owl’s feathers and Mr Owl flew away.

They both sat upon the safe branch when Mole whispered “thank you for saving me wise Owl, night time is scary sometimes” Mr Owl being old and intelligent told Mole that “things are only scary when we let them be”. Mole closed his eyes and went to sleep, whilst Mr Owl guarded the tree from the night fox.

Hours passed and the sun began to glaze over the land where Mr Owl and Mole lived. It was like any other day but Mr Owl had never seen daylight before. “Theres a ball of burning fire in the sky!” cried Mr Owl, “The trees are so green!” exclaimed Mr Owl, “The sky is so blue!” screeched Mr Owl. “Mole wake up you have to see this!” said Mr Owl. Mole woke up from his sleep after hearing Mr Owls excitement. “Everything is so bright and beautiful, with us being night animals we don’t get to experience this often, isn’t it beautiful?” said Mr Owl to Mole. “I can’t see anything wise Owl, my eyesight isn’t all that clear” sighed Mole. Mr Owl then remembered that Moles could only see outlines and shapes. He couldn’t let Mole miss out on seeing the beauty of day light, so he decided to explore the land and describe to Mole what he had seen.

Mr Owl flew amongst the grass. He flew so fast past a patch of dandelions, the dandelion clocks clouded his vision. He wanted to find The Oak Tree where him, Mrs Owl and Little Owl used to live years ago. He reached The Oak Tree hoping that Little Owl might be there now he is older – but there was no sign of him. He set himself down on the highest branch and overlooked the land, it looked so clear in the daylight. The light began to slip away so Mr Owl returned to Mole to tell him all about what he had seen.

They sat under the shiny stars and Mr Owl described The Oak Tree to Mole and how much it meant to him. He said it was where he watched Little Owl grow up and fly away and where he lost his Mrs Owl. Mr Owl said how the tree felt like home, but he had to leave it and move on. He also described the patch of grass, the dandelion clocks and the journey leading up to The Oak Tree. “Now I’m growing old and tired Mole, if anything happens to me I want you to visit The Oak Tree and stay there” Said Mr Owl. “But I can’t see!” Said Mole. “Your imagination can be just as beautiful” said Mr Owl. “Now Mole, after staying awake and guarding this tree, and exploring all day I’m very tired, I must rest my eyes!”
Mr Owl closed his eyes and passed away peacefully.

Mole woke up that morning, and although he couldn’t see the sun, he could feel the warmth on his whiskers. He tried to wake Mr Owl but could not get a response. Mole shed a tear for Mr Owl, but a tear of happiness for the friendship he had been given. Mole knew then that he had to follow Mr Owl’s wishes and vist The Oak Tree. He climbed down from the tree using his imagination and senses and set of on his journey.

Mole passed a patch of grass and brushed his whiskers on the dandelion clocks. The same dandelion clocks that had regrown after Mr Owl flew past them. Mole felt happy as he knew things could grow again and be as beautiful as they once were. Mole sat down and imagined the daylight to be as beautiful as Mr Owl had told him about, he rested his eyes and fell asleep.

Mole woke up the next morning, it was like any other day, but Mole felt lost without Mr Owl. He feared travelling alone but remembered that things were only scary when we let them be. Mole travelled along this path for 2 days using his imagination and whiskers to guide him.

Eventually as night was closing in, Mole felt a massive tree infront of him. “This must be The Oak Tree!” cried Mole. He touched it with his nose and felt the rough bark and damp moss. Suddenly a night fox appeared and chased Mole. He remembered to not be scared and scurried in the other direction, until suddenly he was grabbed and taken to a branch in The Oak Tree. “Mr Owl is that you?!” exclaimed Mole. “I am an Owl, but I don’t think we have met before, that fox was very scary, especially for a partially blind Mole like you!” Said this Owl. “Things are only scary when we let them be” replied Mole. “And your imagination can be just as beautiful as your eyesight” said the Owl. Mole was shocked, he remembered Mr Owl saying that to him in the past. “You must be Little Owl who flew away, he taught me that too!” said Mole. “Well we have both learnt from the best then.” said Little Owl. Little Owl had found The Oak Tree and visited it every night for the past few days hoping to find Mr Owl, but Mr Owl had been visiting it in the daytime. Little Owl felt sad, but also happy to meet his fathers dear friend. 

Both Little Owl and Mole waited for the sun to rise that morning, it was like any other day but Mole realised Mr Owl had not only shown him The Oak Tree and the beauty of daylight, but had shown him a deep friendship. Little Owl described the daylight to Mole everyday from that morning onwards, and even though Owl’s can turn their heads almost 360 degree’s, Little Owl never looked back – and Mole was glad his friends “opened his eyes”. 

The End. 

A mental artist

Hey guys, I am going to be very honest and real with you all, so I hope you appreciate it.

I didn’t want my blog to become really mental health orientated, because it was supposed to be used as a platform to share my poetry, but ironically, suffering with my mind has made my poetry really mental health orientated! Now, I’m going to explain some things I have been going through, and I don’t expect anyone to understand if they haven’t experienced it – but it is very scary and very strange. I want to talk about it because when it first started happening, I had no idea it even existed and genuinely thought I was going crazy, I even googled it and not much came up 4 years ago – but now I am seeing more and more articles about it, which is so amazing. DEREALISATION. A very scary and very real symptom of anxiety, it’s different for so many people but it is how it affects you, I remember when it first started happening I could only describe it as being in a bubble, or like a pane of glass was in front of me, it then progressed to me looking at things and not recognising them – everything looked the same but it felt different. Once, I looked out my window and everything looked like it had been painted, thus my next poem, being trapped inside a painting. It’s became a part of my life and I am living with it, it doesn’t define me, I am living perfectly and normally – but I cannot begin to tell you how hard it was when I had no clue what it was, so if anyone is feeling the same, I have experienced it so drop me a message please. You’ve got to learn to love yourself no matter what is going on inside your head, it’s taken me years to be honest with myself and everyone else, because you feel embarrassed, you want to be strong and you feel weak, but there’s nothing stronger than fighting a battle with your mind everyday. So, to me derealisation feels like I am stuck inside a painting, what does it feel like to you? I have made references to micheal-angel-oh, andy-war-hole and free-da-khalo, just to add to the ‘art’ side of things, so I hope you pick up on it, thank you ❤

It isn’t what I imagined being stuck inside a painting,
I heard that art was beautiful, but for now I am waiting,
You said you painted gold on the canvas but I can only see black,
Every brush stroke of delicacy will only reveal a crack,
Michel, you said you painted an angel,
Oh, it’s a red figure and I can’t see a halo,
Andy, I am trying to be at peace but I am fighting a war,
The hole is getting bigger and I’ve fallen in it once more,
The beauty of this painting I so desperately want to explore,
Now please explain to the painting to me once more,
You’ve painted a tree but I can see it in 3D,
The branches are swaying and waving at me,
I can’t work out the colour of the leaves,
You said they are green, but my brain it deceives,
My mind has painted a picture itself,
No matter how hard I look, I see something else,
Your art is beautiful, but to be free I must follow,
For now just paint da’ other one, Kahlo

Jimmy Choos

Hi everyone!

It has been months since I last posted, as I am very busy trying to set up my own business. I have been writing loads, but haven’t had time to post any online. I started writing a poem today about starting up a business and how everyone should follow their dreams – however it kind of went off on a tangent, and subconsciously became very feminist orientated! I guess it’s because I have been seeing so many things lately about what women can and can’t wear, and it has actually bothered me more than I’d care to admit. As the hot weather is coming and I’ve been finding wearing a bra is becoming more of a chore, but I also don’t want all the unwelcomed attention that comes with it. So my poem today transported into what women can and can’t wear in the work place, it has never personally happened to me, but I have came across it happening to others before. It has a lot of metaphors (of course) and deeper meanings, but is also supposed to be light hearted – and I definitely don’t want anyone to get offended. However, my overriding message is to ladies, please wear what you want and what you feel comfortable wearing, whether that is no bra, no pants, no top, whatever! Also, if your job or boyfriend/girlfriend is telling you what to wear – then please DROP THEM! 

I was 2 foot tall and ready to take on the universe,

Dreams of being a successful manager is what I rehearsed,

When I reached 4 foot I realised it wasn’t that easy,

20 people apply for one job – what would make them pick me?

Out of all of these people, they only accept one,

They say they’re not prejudice – but he just happened to be an entrepreneurs son,

He became the manager – I worked underneath him,

How can we compete with what the companies are teaching,

Maybe being a strong, white male gave him an advantage,

But managing a massive company was enough for him to manage,

He always looked so strong and composed,

His 6 foot build in his tight shirt was never too exposed,

But my high heeled shoes were too revealing,

Apparently the men found them too appealing,

But maybe it was that going from 5 foot 10 ” to 6 foot that was too intimidating, 

As he wanted to look down on me – and when he couldn’t it was frustrating,

Wishing back to being 2 foot – with all these dreams and ambitions,

Being told what to wear was not part of this position,

Payday came and then I was inclined,

To buy the most expensive pair of high heeled shoes I could find,

I went to work the following day,

Rushed to find the boss – as I had something to say,

“You’re very familiar with designers, so you’ll know these are Jimmy Choo, they make me 6 foot 3, so now I’m looking down on you, if the men can’t focus on work because of what I wear, then they need to stop it – and with that I have decided that today I quit”

It turns out my Jimmy Choo’s were actually extremely rare,

I sold them on and became a millionaire,

Took over the company and got the boss fired,

Then made sure more women were hired,

They all got designer heels – and wore them with pride,

Just as a little message to say – by the rules we will abide,

But only if the rules are equal on both sides.

Anxiety

I’ve been excited and nervous to do this post, as even in the extremely developed and accepted generation we all live in, it is still seen as a very controversial subject. Mental health should be taken as seriously as physical health as there is nothing worse than feeling as though you have to suffer alone. Now let me explain my anxiety. I have learnt that there is no cure, and now I have to live alongside it, however much I hate it, we have to make friends. I came home from work the other day and my boyfriend asked me what I had written on my hands, it was just a mixture of messages reading “you’ll be okay” and “it’s not real”; sometimes you just need that little reminder. Anxiety can make you cancel plans last minute so you seem unreliable, it can make you seem boring because you don’t want to go out, or uninterested because you can’t focus on anything, or it can just scare the absolute life out of you. However, that is not a reflection of yourself, it is a very small part of you that you need to make friends with. When I was going through my hardest times I found writing was my gateway to escape for even just five minutes. Even imagining I was a bird with not a care in the world lifted some pressure from the restraints of anxiety. If this might help you then please read, you are not alone. 

 

I always wonder why birds stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere in the world,

Then I ask myself the same question, 

So I take my wings and fly out of here, 

Without any hesitation,

I soar elegantly through the sky,

Without the sunset surrounding my vision,

Leaving my thoughts down on the ground,

Only focusing on precision,

How my wings will turn 180 degrees,

Then I’ll be overseas,

Where I will reach my final destination,

To complete my beautiful creation,

Brushing past the tree’s gently,

As my fragile wings stretch out,

Remembering what life is about,

How you just need that glimmer of self worth, 

We are all equal on this earth,

Up here the wind is the only sound,

I don’t want to go back on the ground,

But on the ground I can still fly,

Not with a set of wings,

Just with my head held high.